Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Well, I Have to Be Selfish, SOMETIMES!

Assalamualaykum all!

Subhanallah, we are now in the middle of December, nearly  at  the end  of year 2010, just a few steps  to enter 2011 and for Islamic calender, we had already entered new year 1432H, we are in the middle of Muharram, oh wait! Before anything, I would like to warn you, that this is a selfish post (Can you smell the fish now?lol), because am gonna mumbling about myself, so you might rather stop here if you start to feel dizzy, before you puke your dinner and got scolded by your momma! Well, back to the topic, don't  you think what am thinking now? Can you read my mind? Ok  let me straightforward fot his time. Yes, I think time  goes too fast! 

It's like just yesterday, when I was cried after a week my parents left me at school's hostel, when I was first got away from  my parents at my thirteen years old, when I  was pretended sick in order to get back home(*_*),  when I  was started to know whats  friendship was (^_^), when I'd  got along with such a wonderful buddies, when we were scolded by the teachers  for things that we didn't committed, when we played a game after 'Asr prayer, when we've got excited to see our exam's results and  when I was cried while hugged my friends on the last day of my schooldays.  

It's like just yesterday when I smelt the sea water and touched the sand beach of  Teregganu while watching the sunrise after two rounds jogging, when I was in the  circle of  sisters in  Islam, when  we shared so many things together, when we were taking care of each others just like one big family, when we were planned, discussed and conducted few programmes together, when we learnt about religion earnestly, when our determination on da'wah was flaming and we promised to serve Allah at any chance  we've got. It's just like yesterday, when I was wiped off my  tears while am looking out of the bus's windows and waved to the sisters before the bus brought me back to my hometown.

It's like just yesterday when I was waited for the bus, struggling to get on the line, throwing the coins into the box, immediately grabbed the receipt and got sandwiched between the preggy and the nerdy. It's like yesterday, when I was riding motorcycle on KL's road, slitting among the numerous cars and rush to the class,  when I was  hustled here  and  there to get  information  for my tasks and when I was experienced the broken-hand-feeling while writing non-stop for three  hours on my  first examination paper and guess what??Now, I was at my last  semester and nearly to finish my study(Hope so ¬_¬  please make  du'a for me),  inshaAllah. 

From single number now it's double, I'm already twenty something (common sentence for girls near to age 25) and I've been wondering, have I spent my time, my youth, my energy wisely? Does its all accepted by Allah as an Ibadah? How if tomorrow is not for me anymore? What am gonna present to my Lord? It had shook my nerve and shrunk my heart to even think that I might present NOTHING in front of Allah, when He asked me, whats have you done with your times? Your ages? Your energies? and my tongue was dumb at that moment. Nauzubillahi min zhalik!  

I'm scared if all I'd done was flew away just like a dusts and at same time I hope that  Allah will forgive me, and has mercy on me. At the moment  when I think about death, it's flaming my desire to dedicate all things for sake of Allah. Ignore the small things that might disturb me along the  journey. Be prepared for death that will certainly come and push aside all  uncertainties  that might switch my focus. I wanna give my best for everything I did for it would become my witness one day. I don't want to waste my time and I hope this  dazzling desire will be last  until the day when  my soul is pull out of my body.Inshaallah for all. Now, lemme ask you, did you get what am trying to say (*_*)?

P/S: Well, it's a partially selfish post actually because I would never share anything that  won't  make you reflected even a  bit. It's  reminder for me and for you inshaallah.  Have a nice day!


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