Friday, December 31, 2010

Come on, it's a new year!

"I can't wait for tonight!!"

"Oh my Goodness! u shocked me with that scream! What about tonight huh?!"

"Oh man, don't tell me you don't know ok! It's a new year countdown! I can give you a ride if you wanna join?"

"Oh new year? So what? Oh how nice you are to gimme a ride, but no, THANKS!"

"Come on don't be a chicken! Your parents is not here, no one would know if you join me, ok! Lets enjoy a bit after our hard work for the whole year. I can introduce you to some 'nice' boy there. "

After 5 minutes pause..

"Hey so what you think?"

"Hm it's sound interesting and enjoy full, but I also have a celebration for tonight, hm why don't you join me? Am pretty sure, you will enjoy so much! We gonna make a countdown together,there a lot of people as well, we gonna sing together and hold each other hands and have some great drinking water and yeah, there's a lot of celebrities that will attend as well."

"Stop there, Ok am gonna join you!!"'

" Cool! So get ready now! " 

They ride the car together and stop at one place

"Ok stop, here we are!"

"Are you serious? Is the new year event would be here?"

"Yes it is, now get off and come with me. Lets rock!"

"But look at my dress!"

"Don't worry dear, there's a lot of telekung(Long clothes for prayer) in there, you can choose which one you would love to ok."

"You gotta kidding me! you are lying! There's for sure no sing and no celebrity here at Masjid!"

"Sure we gonna recite a Quran together, thats the best sing. we will hold hand and make dua, and we can drink Zam-zam here, it provided by Masjid, do you think there's other better drinking water than zam-zam? And yeah there's a lot of celebrities, they are an angel that for sure will join us here.We will countdown on tasbih seeds for zikr. This is how we should celebrate to show our gratefulness to Allah. So cheers up babe! We are here in this great event. Lets take wudhuo first."

"Ok, fiiiiiiine..I guess you are right, thanks for saving me to attend Maksiah event! Alhamdulillah.."

P/S: Please don't start your new year with negative things, control and respect yourself and the most important thing, FEAR your God, Allah SWT as He watches all our deeds! 

Allah Says : {Tell the believing men to lower their gaze

(from looking at forbidden things), and protect their

private parts (from illegal sexual 
acts, etc.). …} [24: 30].

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Please, don't give me that face

My dear sister, it's so sadden and heartbreaking to see your pale and gloomy face because I used to see your shine and bright face, smiling to me. Won't you tell me, what had seized your smile and make you look so sick? What's had broken your heart, and what's had brought your tears this much? Tell me, share with me, you always know, am here for you. What does it mean when I am here, but I wasn't be useful even for listening? So here i am.

Subhanallah, I can't believe that he had done this to you, he gives you hopes, dreams, all sweets words, he makes you feel like you are the only girl he ever loves, he acts like he never will let you down, he behave so nicely in front of you, he never talk harsh to you, he said he will definitely married you one day, that you are the Queen of his life and you believe him full-heartedly, you dreaming about him everyday, how good he is, how charm he is, how polite he is, how wonderful it would be if you're married him and having a family! Perfect!

But now, he's turn away, so far from you, he left you with all your dreams, he's looking for other girl more beautiful than you, when you remind him about a dreams that you'd shared together, he's laughing at you and said "Thats your dreams not mine and you are just not my taste". To  hear that and to see him with another girl, you're so upset, you feel like it was the end of your life, you giving up all your dreams, you lost your appetite, you feel like there's nothing could interest you at all, you just sit at the corner of your room and weeping the whole day. 

Now, give your ears on this, my dear sister, don't forget that you have your lovely family, you have your parents, your buddies and your world! He left you not because you don't deserve him, but that means he don't deserve you, you are too precious for such kind of man. That's how Allah discarded that kind of person from your life, if not he might ruin your life. Why you are crying that much for such man? By that action, he proved that he is too flaky to do the husband work, he's not really good, he just pretend so and when he's getting boring, he's find another girl and you are crying for that man? 

Come on my babe, have you forgotten about your parents' love? How many years you knew him and how many years you live your life with your parents? You have live without him before, you are so happy with your family and buddies, but when he interrupted just for a while, it looks like you had given all your loves to him and there's no space for others in your heart anymore and now, when he left you, you've lost all your loves, your desires and passion. If you can live without him before, so will you now, you will get better and you'll find the peace within your heart!  Now, wipe off your tears, take a deep breath and say "Alhamdulillah, another bad person had left me", stand up and hold my hand, I'm gonna show you what's the best things you should do in this situation:

1. Make a pure intention in your heart: "Bismillah, I want to change, he has made a chaos in my heart once and I won't let him to do so to my life! I will definitely live my life better without him."

2. Delete everything related with him, physically and emotionally, replace it with your love to your family and buddies. Prove to him that you are much better without him and he doesn't give effect to your live. 

3. Give your attention on your family and friend relationship(Go for a trip if you are able to do so). Focus on what's you work on now(Study or career), explore and make it your priority.

4. Fill your days with various activities, make your life busy, cheers up with your buddies (Watch movie, playing game with sisters). Don't let your mind think about him, you have a lot of others thing to think about.

5. Listen and read to the motivational speech (Whoever you love to listen to). Get along with sisterhood and make friends.

6. Make your heart peace with a prayer to God oftentimes.Recite Quran which you had abandon before. If possible, make an extra prayer (Tahajjud), wake up in the middle of night and tell Him everything, ask Him anything, as He is the source of strength and hopes. 

7. Always remember, the only one that truly love you is God and your parents. They never leave you like what's your boyfriend did. So be loyal to them, never betray and love them full-heartedly. 

8. Think positively towards your life, never look back unless to teach others about a valuable life lesson. Everything happened for reasons and you'll reveal the reasons one day, inshaallah.  

9. Don't try to fall in madness love again before marriage, of course it's not wrong if you like somebody, but don't love him damn much until he has become your husband.(Don't make another boo-boo!)

10. Ask forgiveness from Allah, as you had neglected Him in your life before (that's why your life was messed up) and believe that Allah will definitely replace what'd you lost with a better husband, inshaallah!

That's it my dear, be happy, I can't wait to see your sweet smile, your silly jokes and your giggles echo again. Be happy that you are surrounded with loves from Allah, your family and buddies. One person left, but you have so much people around you, you just don't need him in your life! Allah will send you the right man, at the right time (The indicator is-if you get closer to Allah, it's a good sign but if it's otherwise, that's a bad sign!) Well, if you feel like the whole idea was bust, I don't know what else to say. Peace out! 

“Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top because they value quality.”

P/S: This post is a spontaneous response to so many stories I heard about brokenhearted sisters that make a wrong person as their world. May Allah forgives and guides us all. Well, Single ladies remember: U are not a side item, an appetizer, or an after-dinner dessert. U are the WHOLE MEAL or no deal !

Monday, December 27, 2010

Dad, you are my truly warrior!

She buried her face on the pillow while weeping arbitrarily. Her heart was ached and her soul revolted. She does not understand why her Dad always asked her to do something that she disliked. Just before she get off from home this evening to meet her boyfriend, Dad had told her to change her favorite dress to other clothing and he said that the dress was inappropriate and a bit tight, although for her, the clothes  are loose and it's beautiful too. She lied to her Dad, that she just wanted to meet her old friend, she had to lie as her Dad would never allowed her to meet a boy without a companion and now she won't go out with other than her best clothes. 

She's already eighteen but Dad never give her a chance to do whats she like to, he always would tell her whats best clothes she should wear, this and that. She just too upset and she cooped herself in the room for the whole night, she don't even took her dinner, though she heard her Dad's voice behind the door, mentioning that he cooked her favorite food and then she fell asleep with her heart full of hate.

She suddenly felt a heat and it's extremely hot. She is on the edge of the abyss, and from above a cliff she could see a  towering flames emerging and she could hear the creepy sounds, it's a goosebumps that she'd never felt before. She was very scared and crying out loudly when the ugly black creature with a very fierce face, tried to push her into the reverberations. She struggled to fight, but it turns out as the creature was too strong, her feet had slipped and she felt like it starting to blister. She screamed with a vengeance.

"God, help me!! Dad,  help me please!!!"

and her Dad suddenly appeared, the bright halo that surrounded him causing the creature to let her off. He hugged and took his daughter immediately away from the ravine. 

She was awake, the sweat soaking his body, she's shivering and is still crying. It's a middle of the night, the cold wind blowing into her room but it never could calm her down and she think to pray at the moment. As she passing by her dad's room, she could hear a soft crying sounds and she attaches her ears to the door. 

"Oh Allah, please guides my daughter to be a good slave of yours, safe her from the hellfire,I forgive her for everything she done, if she did mistakes, the one that should be punish in your fire is me as I am her father and You gave me a responsible to teach her about religion. I'm too weak Allah, please give me a strength to teach her with love. Oh Allah, give the best for her, protects her anywhere she goes and shower her with your mercy and kindness. Oh Allah..."

She can't bear to hear anymore, her eyes flooded with tears, she took wudhu' and perform her very first tahajud pray in her life. She began to realize, that his good fortune over the years is because of her dad's prayer. Through the dream that she had, Allah wants to tell her that everything her dad's did was intentionally to safe her from a tournament of hell. A sensation that flow in her veins, whispering, "Dad, you are my truly warrior, I will love you for my entire life".

"Fathers are wonderful people, too little understood and we do not sing their praises as often as we should. For, somehow,father seems to be the man who pays the bills, while Mother binds up little hurts and nurses all our ills and Father struggles daily to live up to "HIS IMAGE" as protector and provider and "hero or the scrimmage". And perhaps that is the reason we sometimes get the notion, that Fathers are not subject  to the thing we call emotion, but if you look inside Dad's heart, where no one else can see, you'll find he's sentimental and  as "soft" as he can be. But he's so busy every day In the grueling race of life, he leaves the sentimental stuff to his partner and his wife. Fathers are just WONDERFUL in a million different ways, and they merit loving compliments and accolade of praise, for the only  reason Dad aspires to fortune and success ito make the family proud of him and to bring them happiness and like OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, he's a guardian and a guide, someone that we can count on To be ALWAYS ON OUR SIDE."

P/S: Love and appreciate your father and thanks Allah for such a great person in our life! Alhamdulillah fi kulli hal..

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Epic Momma!

A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:

For cutting the grass: $5.00 

For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00 

For going to the store for you: $.50 

Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25 

Taking out the garbage: $1.00 

For getting a good report card: $5.00 

For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00 

Total owed: $14.75

Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:

For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me:
No Charge 

For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you:
No Charge 

For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused through the years:
No Charge 

For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead:
No Charge 

For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose:
No Charge 

Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is:
No Charge.

When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you." And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL".

"The Prophet Muhammad said, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him: Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother (Ahmad, Nasai)."

"On the station platform of life, my mum is the dream vending machine that dispenses crisps and sweets and other nice things for free. "

P/S:My mom is so cool that she has in-built wireless functionality! The coverage is so wide,it could reach wherever I am, she will feel and know if something happened. Mom you are an epic! Thanks Allah for my umi :)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Well, I Have to Be Selfish, SOMETIMES!

Assalamualaykum all!

Subhanallah, we are now in the middle of December, nearly  at  the end  of year 2010, just a few steps  to enter 2011 and for Islamic calender, we had already entered new year 1432H, we are in the middle of Muharram, oh wait! Before anything, I would like to warn you, that this is a selfish post (Can you smell the fish now?lol), because am gonna mumbling about myself, so you might rather stop here if you start to feel dizzy, before you puke your dinner and got scolded by your momma! Well, back to the topic, don't  you think what am thinking now? Can you read my mind? Ok  let me straightforward fot his time. Yes, I think time  goes too fast! 

It's like just yesterday, when I was cried after a week my parents left me at school's hostel, when I was first got away from  my parents at my thirteen years old, when I  was pretended sick in order to get back home(*_*),  when I  was started to know whats  friendship was (^_^), when I'd  got along with such a wonderful buddies, when we were scolded by the teachers  for things that we didn't committed, when we played a game after 'Asr prayer, when we've got excited to see our exam's results and  when I was cried while hugged my friends on the last day of my schooldays.  

It's like just yesterday when I smelt the sea water and touched the sand beach of  Teregganu while watching the sunrise after two rounds jogging, when I was in the  circle of  sisters in  Islam, when  we shared so many things together, when we were taking care of each others just like one big family, when we were planned, discussed and conducted few programmes together, when we learnt about religion earnestly, when our determination on da'wah was flaming and we promised to serve Allah at any chance  we've got. It's just like yesterday, when I was wiped off my  tears while am looking out of the bus's windows and waved to the sisters before the bus brought me back to my hometown.

It's like just yesterday when I was waited for the bus, struggling to get on the line, throwing the coins into the box, immediately grabbed the receipt and got sandwiched between the preggy and the nerdy. It's like yesterday, when I was riding motorcycle on KL's road, slitting among the numerous cars and rush to the class,  when I was  hustled here  and  there to get  information  for my tasks and when I was experienced the broken-hand-feeling while writing non-stop for three  hours on my  first examination paper and guess what??Now, I was at my last  semester and nearly to finish my study(Hope so ¬_¬  please make  du'a for me),  inshaAllah. 

From single number now it's double, I'm already twenty something (common sentence for girls near to age 25) and I've been wondering, have I spent my time, my youth, my energy wisely? Does its all accepted by Allah as an Ibadah? How if tomorrow is not for me anymore? What am gonna present to my Lord? It had shook my nerve and shrunk my heart to even think that I might present NOTHING in front of Allah, when He asked me, whats have you done with your times? Your ages? Your energies? and my tongue was dumb at that moment. Nauzubillahi min zhalik!  

I'm scared if all I'd done was flew away just like a dusts and at same time I hope that  Allah will forgive me, and has mercy on me. At the moment  when I think about death, it's flaming my desire to dedicate all things for sake of Allah. Ignore the small things that might disturb me along the  journey. Be prepared for death that will certainly come and push aside all  uncertainties  that might switch my focus. I wanna give my best for everything I did for it would become my witness one day. I don't want to waste my time and I hope this  dazzling desire will be last  until the day when  my soul is pull out of my body.Inshaallah for all. Now, lemme ask you, did you get what am trying to say (*_*)?

P/S: Well, it's a partially selfish post actually because I would never share anything that  won't  make you reflected even a  bit. It's  reminder for me and for you inshaallah.  Have a nice day!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Almost undeniable similarity among Muslims

Momma aren't we look exactly same?

"Eeuuuuuwww...It's so disgusting!" That's our reaction when pigs were mentioned, isn't it? " It's like a hysterical hatred package in a person called as Muslim.Well this is called as Porkophobia
"Porkphobia describes a syndrome that includes many symptoms such as severe disgust, waves of nausea with occasional vomiting or increased heart rates and sweating when Muslims encounter pork or pigs. Importantly, these reactions do not require the ingestion of pork, they are even observed when Muslims see pork or pigs. In more severe forms of porkophobia, the mere image of a pig on TV or the realization that one has touched pig skin leather elicits similar reactions of revulsion.This severe form of porkophobia is not restricted to Muslims growing up in pig-free Muslim countries, but is also found amongst Muslims living in countries where pork is commonly eaten and pigs are used as important farm animals." 
Yes I have to admit, it become a phenomenon among Muslim community. Since at the early age, our parents told us, we can't eat pork, it's a dirty animals, it is haraam and we obey this straightforward dietary law from Quran, so easily. It has been instilled into our subconscious minds thus prevents us from even considering to eat pork. I have to agree that this strategy is very efficient. It become a whole culture of disgust among Muslim, but the question is, why have other Islamic prohibitions not lead to a culture of disgust? How about adultery, alcohol, black magic and riba'? Those are Haraam in Islam, it's clearly mentioned in Quran, but you can see how many Muslims are commit those sins with free feeling of disgust? 

One would simply says, "I don't eat swine, it's prohibited in my religion." and at same time he visit Haraam pub, drink a bottle of alcohol and commit adultery without feeling any guilty or disgusting like he was digesting pork. Does avoidance of consuming pork will make us more Muslims? Well, it's not, avoidance of pork is not difficult as even in Southern Germany (Heartland of pork sausage), one can easily avoid consuming pork. So whats make us different from the kuffar, if we don't eat pork but we still commit others Haraam things? 

Furthermore, avoidance of pork is not part of the five pillars of Muslim faith and it has never been a central message of Islam. It's not defining a characteristic of Islam. The phenomenon of porkophobia has given a dietary law such a high level. I don't mean to say that we should stop avoiding consume pork or we should take it easy, but my point is, Muslims could perhaps consider to use the power of revulsion to deliver ideas that are more central to Islam rather than the mere avoidance of pork.

Why we not develop a similar culture of revulsion towards others Haraam things? It would be great if Muslim felt a porkophobia-like revulsion  when involved in others major sins like adultery, riba', gambling, bribery an so forth. Seemed like we took Porkophobia  as a convenient way for us to "feel Muslim," by building up a whole culture around a dietary law. So, fear Allah, avoid all Haraams in Islam, seek knowledge and understand our Deen. By that,enjoy our journey to get closer to Allah and keep Islam not only as our name but as our way of life, inshaallah.

Momma where is our dress? Aww..they're just so adorable, mashaallah!

P/S: Yes, it's almost undeniable similarity among Muslim, Muslim don't fight on pork matters, all agree and obey, alhamdulillah. I guess, I was also a porkophobia but not so chronic! euuww!! Have a blessed day ahead.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Get stuck on the mud


"Hm I think your points are too weak, you should get the informations about the actually process flow to generate the product, in this case, the cellphone. With this process flow, then only you could audit the process flow, identify the wastes generation and the impacts to environment from each steps." 

"But Prof, they don't give us the actual process flow, they just gave us the general flow, and we're not even allowed to enter the factory to see the process. We just meet the representative officer, talk to him and take some informations from him. Thats it."

"You will not learning forever if this is what happened!"

Yes,this is the common problem faced by students like me, where's my tasks would never been solved if I just sit at library, find the books, search the informations on net and read the journals. No, I have to move to the industry and ministry, communicate with them to get the informations by study the actual event, make analysis, write up the report and submit. But the industrial group is not supportive to student, they won't reveal any informations even for study purpose, and there's no such regulation to force them to give informations whenever needed. 

I've been wondering, why those people in industry were so afraid to be honest and give a small coorporation to student. Are they doing something wrong? Or there's anything they hiding? Or they worried if the students would steal their so called 'green technology'? I don't have any idea of what's they're thinking. They should feel grateful if there's a student would  like to study their company especially from environmental aspect, maybe after the study, some recommendation could be given to them for better environmentally practice management and it was free for sure! 

"Yes, this is XXXXX company, may I help you?"

"Hello, I'm Eliana from UM, I've read about your company, you are producing the XYZ products and my team would like to study about your green technology implementation. So can I ask for appointment to see your officer on this particular issue?"

After 5 minutes.

"Sorry miss, we couldn't help you."

"May I know, why?"

"No specific reason..haha.." Tut...tut..tut..
The phone was hang up immediately..

What???!!!! We are really shocked by such unprofessional answer and unbelievable manner!Mashaallah! We make a phone call for the whole day, and the most expected answer is sounds like this: "Sorry, our company policy do not allow such assessment..". After struggling few days calling here and there, two or three companies at least ready to accept us, so we went to the company and meet with the officers that sometimes are not friendly and make us felt like we are at the wrong place! And you know what, one of the company was surprised when we arrived at their office door and they discussed among each others in Chinese language in front of us. They forget that one of my team is a Chinese and she told us what's they're talking about. 

"They're not expecting us to come for real, they thought we are just kidding when we make a phone called a day before!" Again, WHAT???!!!! Maybe they think like, it just a phone called from the kids that found his   mom's cellphone on sofa, then he just dialed random numbers and accidently  reached the company, OMG! And we went back to campus without any informations except upset to those people.

Some company do accept us and it is the best things if the company give us even the general flow and briefly illustrated to us and we will like, horay!!! we get the informations! I can't believe is was this hard to get the informations. They'll get phobia when they heard 'Environment student' and suddenly like, "Er...why you choose our company?What's the study for? bla..bla..bla...". so many questions but then just give us excuses to avoid. Well, we really psyched up for this situation. 

The point is, why you have to worry if you're doing the right thing like you are running the factory with the good practice and proper management? With this kind of attitude, I certainly thought that the company was hiding something. Now, listen, we are a students, we want to learn, we want to explore and give contributions, we don't have any other intention, we don't have a political interest, we are not to investigate your wrong-doing and subject the complaint to Department of Environment and all the informations is certainly confidential. Your nation will never learn if this situation remain. Please, please change your mindset, accept us as a learner and let us contribute something to you and community! Truly, I'm get stuck on this mud. 

P/S: Am I complaining? Urghh just want to get it off my mind and I'm not able to stop my fingers, lol. Next semester do not promise me to avoid dealing industry as well, but yes it's a challenge that I have to face as one of the learning process, inshaallah! Please make doa for me :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Purify Your Gaze Campaign: Imancipate Porn Addiction

BY: Zeyad Ramadhan : Foundation of Purify Your Gaze

It all started when I was in my final year of elementary school abroad. My siblings and I had rented a movie which was PG in Asia but PG13 in the West. I came to realize later on in life that I was too young to have watched that movie. There was a split second in the movie where a picture of a naked women was shown. I was intrigued to the extent that before returning it I watched and stared at that particular moment alone in our apartment at night while everyone was sleeping. I must have been 12 at the time.
Upon my return home I started high school and my first real experience of porn came during a tournament for our high school volleyball team. We had an overnight stay during one of our out of town trips and I was in a room with 3 other teammates.
At night they all waited till 12am to wait for a show that played soft-core porn every week on regular TV (not cable). I was disgusted and told the guys I don’t watch this stuff, I turned away listening to the movie for the next hour. My eyes ventured a couple of times and I was curious and excited as to what I saw. From then on I would try to catch that same show at home whenever I got the chance, staying up that late was a hurdle as well as making sure everyone was asleep. My usage steadily became more consistent. During this time I would also venture on the Internet to look at pictures of nude women.
This was a reflection from one of the participants who worked with me in the most recent sexual addiction recovery program I lead on how years of secrecy, frustration, loneliness, and depression began for him. The experience that the brother shared above is so common from the hundreds of Muslims addicted to pornography that I’ve interacted with online and through phone conversations.
Before, you jump to conclusions and say something like, “This brother needs to fear Allah more…” or “This brother and others should just practice lowering their gaze and there wouldn’t be a problem anymore,” there’s an important thing you need to know.
Statistics show that 90% of American kids will have come into direct contact with pornography at least once, accidentally, by the age of 11. That’s right – age 11, if not younger. The problem often starts before anyone, including the user, is even aware that it could lead to such a destructive lifestyle.
The majority of these brothers (and yes even some sisters have contacted me asking for help) are practicing Muslims actively participating in the community.
As one brother messaged me saying, “I’m involved in my local youth group, and I feel like such a hypocrite telling these youths what to do while I’m involved in such filth…”
This is not a case of the “evil party animal who can’t stop womanizing” Muslim that needs to return back to Allah.
Clearly, there’s something deeper going on in this situation.
One huge obstacle to the pornography problem and individuals looking to change has to do with us as a Muslim community. Although we have come a long way as a community in addressing social issues, there is still the pervading black and white version of Islam where everything is either halaal (allowed) or haraam (forbidden) in how we solve problems.
Many brothers out there looking for help, or wives who have discovered their husbands’ pornography use, go to the only place they know of for guidance: a fatwa (an Islamic ruling given by a scholarly opinion) website. Unfortunately, the fatwa websites offer little help for both sufferers. The addict knows already that his behavior is haraam, what he needs, however, is a way out.
Maybe at best, there will be a khutbah (sermon) or a lecture topic on the importance of lowering the gaze where the khateeb (person who gives the sermon) will give all the evidences from the Qur’an and Sunnah about the importance of lowering the gaze and that yes it is hard but it needs to be done to solve the problem.
And that’s the end of that conversation; you won’t hear anything else about it again for another year. So the listeners get the same message they are already acquainted with: “You better lower your gaze, and try harder, or else you won’t be a complete Muslim…”
Trying harder is not the solution, it’s the problem itself, because what’s being treated is only the symptoms of a problem and not the root causes of the behavioral pattern appearing in the first place.
In psychology, this is known as only making a “first-order change” and essentially it is like the old French saying, “the more things change, the more they remain the same.” The more you try to change a problem on a surface level by just changing the symptoms, the more of the madness remaining is exactly the same.
One of the great traditions that have been established in this country is the 12 step program which was started by two alcoholics looking to recover in a wholesome way and to stop the idea of: “I’ll man handle this addiction”.
The first step in all 12-step recovery groups is the admission of powerlessness in the situation and the need to let go of “knowing everything”, that life had become unmanageable, and that there was a new way of living and handling life.
As Muslims, we clearly have that same message in the very first revelation that was given to our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him to “Recite by the Name of your Lord”…
There have been volumes written on the letter “baa” in the Arabic language translated as “by” in this verse and the power of seeking aid outside of yourself and by the Power and Might of Allah (God) the Almighty.
As the verses continue, we are told about the transgression of man when he believed himself to be self-sufficient, and that is exactly what happens when the addict keeps on continuing the insanity of trying to solve it alone and figuring things out by himself.
The key for us as a community and for individuals that are affected by pornography addiction and other manifestations of sexual addiction is not to just keep on trying harder.
The key is to come to a place of acceptance of self and acceptance of ourselves as a community that we have a problem here and it’s deeper than just a man needing to lower his gaze, and that there are chemical effects of addiction, the history of addiction running in a family, and the deeper psychological factors at play.
What does acceptance of self look like?
It is all explained in a concept that I teach to my students called Finding Power Through Powerlessness.
The reason why this concept is important for an individual beginning his or her journey to recovery is that it means death of self-sufficiency must take place otherwise the individual will never be able to change. What will happen instead, is that the individual will move in life from one addiction to another addiction, never finding joy or peace of heart.
It’s what Allah (God) describes in Surah Al-Baqarah, (Qur’an, 2:165), “And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love Allah …”
They go through life constantly afraid without a deep foundation to rely on, and because of this they jump from one thing to another trying to find that safety and peace of heart.
It’s being able to move from a place of denial, self-sufficiency, and arrogance to a place of humility, submission, and surrender. There are some things in life that we just cannot do alone, and yes we are broken by them, but they are in fact blessings in disguise from Allah (God) the Almighty.
We have the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ who said, “Allah (God) wonders at those people who will enter Paradise in chains.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
Yes the hadith is referring to those captives of war who by choice surrender their will to Allah (God), but by the same token we are sometimes brought to Allah (God) through the chains of our desires, and when we surrender our will to Allah (God) and admit we can’t do this alone, we have found freedom.
Overcoming an addiction to pornography is one of those things that cannot be done alone, and it does not necessitate that the individual in this journey is bad or evil. In fact being chosen as one of the few to learn this valuable life lesson of admitting powerlessness and fully surrendering your will to Allah (God), is an experience that most people in life will not have.
This is just the beginning of our conversations as a community on the seriousness of pornography addiction and other manifestations of sexual addiction, and its effects on the individual, the spouse, the children, and the community. I am spearheading an initiative called ‘Purify Your Gaze’, based upon the famous Quranic verse addressing the believers to lower their gaze in order to attain purity for themselves, on the realities of pornography addiction in the Muslim community.
Until the launch of this campaign, I am asking for your support in sharing the following link: where we hope to gather statistical data on the effects of addiction on the individuals struggling with pornography and also their spouses who are often very ignored in this process, and insha’Allah (God-willed) release the findings of this study to the public.
I ask for the community’s support and encourage those who are interested to visit the website to take part in this awareness campaign and from Allah comes all success.
P/S: Seriously, this is whats happened everywhere and for muslim as well, it's a virus that need an antidote to be cure. So don't hesitate to start improve yourself from now, be brave! inshaallah.. God bless!

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