Saturday, November 10, 2012

Marriage: Tips for sisters


Yes, today is 10th November 2012, 10.11.2012, ok what a cute date isn't it? Today is also a last Saturday for year 1433H (Islamic calendar), today is the starting day of school holidays in Malaysia and today (again?) well, a lot of man and woman is getting married (Oh, including my friends and my cousin!) and you know what is so significant today? Today, my lovely husband has to work, OK. That's the end of the story because I couldn't attend any weddings alone in my condition now. Oh my Lord, please forgive me I know it is compulsory for me to fulfill an invitation of my Muslim fellow, but you know better about my condition and to all my friends, please do not feel upset, yes I know it is your BIG day and what does it mean when I am not there, right? (LOL!)

Ok, to start off, we should know that in our beautiful religion, Islam, marriage is a sacred and blessed contract between a man and a woman. It is not about a physical attraction alone because through marriage we vow to each other to obey Allah with our own role to play in making a marriage successful in dunya and akhirah. Marriage teach us about responsibility and commitment. So here, I got some tips for sisters out there that will get married soon, inshaallah.

1. Be the best wife you can be. Being a good Muslim wife is in many ways similar to being a good wife in other religions. Sure it has its own special features and requirements, just like any other religion. However, there are common basic methods and guidelines for being a good wife in general. Follow them.

2. Pray regularly. Always ask Allah for forgiveness and blessings on your marriage.

3. Understand and respect your husband's rights. Study authentic haadith and make sure that you understand your obligations as a wife as well as understand your rights. In Islam, a good wife is expected to be honest, sincere and cognizant of her husband's needs. At the same time her husband must respect her, fulfill her needs and even help her in household chores.

4. Be secure in yourself. Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be. He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like it. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy. Poor self-esteem and a ''void'' in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life.

5. Express, don't accuse. Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll ''come around''. Communicate calmly, clearly and directly. Relationships work best when each partner calmly express their current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a ''I feel attacked'' or ''I feel sad'' is all it takes for him to step back and ask, ''Why?'' Then simply say, ''When you slammed the door, I felt ignored.'' Let ''I feel'' be your guide.

6. Don't expect the moon. He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.

7. Pick your battles. Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher ''the right way''. Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important.

8. Accept him. Only by accepting him as he is, do you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.

9. Dress pleasantly/attractively.If you are a home-maker,don't stay in your sleeping suit all day.Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female.

10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile, hug and kiss him :)

11. Stay with him during hard time. He will need his wife to listen to him, comfort him and give him the strength. Don't be selfish.

12. It is recommended not to criticize your husband, not in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're in front of people, and not when you're alone together. Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs and criticizing his ability to meet them.

13. Focus more on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights.


Don't ever accept abuse (physical or otherwise). Islam requires a good wife to be loving and obeying to her full extent of ability, but it also obliges a man to respect his wife, and treat her in a civilized and tender manner. Understand that this is an obligation your husband must fulfill. Being a good wife in Islam does not mean you have to suffer in silence if your husband is physically, verbally or in any other way abusive. So you should learn how to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship. Talk things out or see a counselor. If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. A real man gets what he wants without forcing. Fuhh, ok I hope these tips will benefits you and me inshaallah. Wait, how about tips for brother? Well, will be coming soon,, inshaallah . Have a bless weddings and happy marriage! :)

P/S: Oh you may not know, but I change my blog header, and that's what motivate me to post something, Oh myself! :)


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