Sindrom sayang anak

Assalamualaykum..

Sindrom sayang anak? Sindrom ini biasanya akan menyerang umat manusia yang baharu bergelar ibu dan bapa, hohoho. Well, actually that is not my main point here. The title is actually combination of "Sayang anak timang-timangkan" dan "Shaken Baby Syndrome". So I combine jadi la Sindrom sayang anak., bijak kan? Jimat pun jimat, jimat space dan tenaga (APAKAH???). Ok back top the topic, Shaken Baby Syndrome atau nama glam nya SBS. As a new parents, especially at the very early days, the sounds of our baby's crying will freak us out, REALLY. Terutama baby yang vokal tinggi like my daughter, time dia tarik vokal semua orang memandang, jiran di tingkat bawah sekali pun boleh dengar, kucing terpinga-pinga memandang ke sana sini. Disebabkan itu, cepat-cepat je nak bagi dia tenang sampai kadang-kadang tergoncang bayi yang suci tak bersalah itu, when I recall those days I really regret it and I will cepat-cepat minta maaf kat my baby and kiss her bertubi-tubi tanda menyesal sebab kurang sabar masa tu. Bila jumpa artikel berkenaan SBS ni, rasa bersalah tu makin membuak-buak tak dapat bendung, huhu. Forgive me my Lord, forgive me my child, for being impatient  :(

So what is SBS actually?

Shaken baby syndrome is a severe form of child abuse caused by violently shaking an infant or child. Shaken baby syndrome can occur from as little as 5 seconds of shaking. Shaken baby injuries usually occur in children younger than 2 years old but may be seen in children up to the age of 5. When an infant or toddler is shaken, the brain bounces back and forth against the skull. This can cause bruising of the brain (cerebral contusion), swelling, pressure, and bleeding in the brain. The large veins along the outside of the brain may tear, leading to further bleeding, swelling, and increased pressure. This can easily cause permanent brain damage or death. Shaking an infant or small child may cause other injuries, such as damage to the neck, spine, and eyes.

Artikel daripada seorang doktor:

"SBS merupakan kecederaan otak bayi disebabkan goncangan atau pergerakan kepala yang kuat. Boleh berlaku dalam tempoh sesingkat 5 saat pergerakan yang kuat. Kecederaan yang serius boleh menyebabkan kecacatan otak yang lama, serius dan kekal pada bayi. Ianya berlaku apabila kepala bayi digoncang atau dihentak dengan objek walaupun objek lembut seperti bantal. Ada teori mengaitkan dengan pergerakan seperti menimang bayi, menaiki buaian serta memegang bayi ketika seseorang sedang marah atau bergaduh boleh menyebab berlakunya SBS. Sebab lain ialah penderaan bayi (child abuse) dan selalunya mempunyai kesan-kesan penderaan yang lain.

Perkara ini berlaku kerana kepala bayi mempunyai nisbah yang lebih besar berbanding badan mereka, leher yang lemah dan struktur otak yang masih belum matang serta lebih kandungan air berbanding orang dewasa.

Amalan menimang atau menggoncang sering dilakukan oleh penjaga terutama bila bayi tidak mahu berhenti menangis. Ada yang menimang bayi kerana untuk menenangkan bayi dan ada juga melakukannya ketika marah atau penat menjaga bayi.

Ini bukanlah kes SBS pertama yang saya rawat. Sebelum ini saya juga pernah merawat seorang bayi di wad kanak-kanak yang mempunyai kecederaan otak yang serius dikhuatiri berpunca daripada menaiki buaian

Maka, saya sangat berharap agar ibu bapa dan penjaga semua dapat mengambil serius dan peka tentang Baby Shaken Syndrome ini. Ianya bukanlah kes terpencil malah di Amerika Syarikat sebanyak 1500 kes dilaporkan setiap tahun. Mereka juga telah mengharamkan sebarang bentuk alat menggoncang bayi seperti buaian.."

So what is the PREVENTION of this syndrome?

  

>Do not shake your baby when you are angry or to play. 

>Do not hold your baby when you are angry. 

>If you can not calm your baby, leave your baby for a while in the crib or to others. 

>Ask for help from others.

>Cradle should be our last choice to make our baby sleep (Crying T_T)

Yang prevention last sekali tu agak sukar sekali coz my baby tidur siang dalam buai but not all the time :'( . I will try my best to minimize using the cradle, inshaallah. You all boleh tengok secara 3D tanpa perlu pakai cermin mata 3D, macam mana gejala SBS ni berlaku dalam badan bayi kita di youtube. Ngeri siot, sumpah tak goncang dah my baby even dia menangis on top of her lungs! Taubat!

When you've become a parent

Bismillah..Assalamualaykum..Hey, I'm back! :D

I'm having a long holiday huh?! Well, yes and I enjoy it, trust me :)

So what happened in back 2 months? Ahhaaa jeng3 *Drum rolls*

Taraaaaa....

Assalamualaykum..my name is Maryam al-haura' :)

Yes, my baby! :)

Alhamdulillah everything went well with His perfect plan, I couldn't say more. My baby is healthy and perfect, alhamdulillah. All experience I gained along the journey, all the struggles and pains, I believe will benefits me much not only in dunya but also in akhirah. So at the moment my mother left my home, the journey of parenting started. It is true that it is never easy to be a parent, the first time baby Haura' cried on top of her lungs, freak my hubby and me out. Phewww of course she stopped cried when she was tired and then fell asleep like nothing ever happened! Oh my Lord, really it was a priceless moment! And we laugh whenever we recall that moment, lol.The first time when it was only me and baby Haura' after my hubby left to his workplace, I remind myself to be positive, she's only a baby, her only way to communicate is crying so it is normal and I have to be calm, don't panic dude!

Now she's almost 2 months, she's getting smarter (She can stays put and watches we while I am praying beside her even when I pray with my hubby, she starts babbling, smile and laugh a bit) and with all my heart I would say, she's the most cute creature on earth, mashaallah, well at least on my sight ;). Well there's a lot of interesting thing change once you have a baby:

♥ You don't need a daily schedule anymore because your baby will fix your daily schedule. Well, it is depend on her to start the day in any time even at 3 am in the morning! As for me, I will automatically awake in every 2 hours to feed her.

♥ You will respect and love your own parents in a brand new way especially your mother after you have went through what she had. 

♥ If  the baby is sick, you will feel more severe than if you are sick. 

♥ You will appreciate ourselves, yes because you are now a parent to a child.

♥ You become more sensitive on whatever issues related with a baby like when you saw a news on child abuse, you can even cry :'(

♥ You will no longer feel disgust with our baby poo poo otherwise we are so happy! lol

♥ You will feel like an angel whenever you can make the baby stop crying

♥ You will always count your baby's new teeth 

♥ You will no longer eager to snap your picture, you will instead taking your baby's picture daily! This is also applies to your photos uploading activity where you will upload your baby's picture more than yours in fb :P 

♥ You would think that having more children is not a huge problem. 

♥ When you see there are other parents who were holding their baby that was crying, you will understand their situation. 

♥ You will cherish your bath time even it is in a short period!

♥ Finally, you start to say 'hello' to the neighbor after having a baby! 

♥ You will find out, the things that once you consider important are no longer important after you have a child. 

♥ You are aware that it is not difficult to love your children who at first you thought he was a stranger. 

♥ Every day is full of surprises!

Interesting isn't it? :D

I believe she will grows smarter and prettier than me (Of course, I'm getting old, no?) and most important is she becomes a piety servant of Allah like Maryam Ali Imran, amin. I aware that me first have to be a piety servant of Allah, inshaallah. Yes, it is a long journey but with Allah's helps inshaallah we can make it, plus both side cooperation of husband and wife. Alhamdulillah for He gave me a very supportive and cooperative plus handsome (enhem) husband. Baby Haura' is indeed the most precious gift for our first anniversary awww :)

Alhamdulillah for everything, thank you for all du'a from whoever I ever met or even never meet. Please keep me in your du'a :)

With  ♥

Zahra

Marriage: Tips for Brothers

Assalamualaykum! 

        When a girl decided to get married to a man, she is actually decided to live the rest of her life with someone who's at the beginning is a totally stranger and then he became everything to her, even a key to Jannah because he is someone that took her parents role to take care, protect and love her the way he ought. Through marriage, two strangers sharing their live under one roof, sharing their feeling and go through all moment together. Marriage teaches them what love really is, commitment and responsibility as well as leadership. Well, at least this is what I thought about marriage. It such a miracle blessing from Allah especially when both husband and wife, understand and play their role passionately and patiently. Marriage should be a partnership of sorts, no matter what the religion. Two people who join together should learn to live with each other, each giving to each other, instead of always taking. As I promised in my previous post (Marriage: Tips for Sisters) , here are the tips for brothers to be a good husband inshaallah :)

1. Begin with a good greeting: When you return from work or travel, greet her. Start with ''As Salaamu Alaikum''. Smile to her. Give her a kiss. Tell her you love her, she will never forget this. There is always time for telling bad news.Have a sense of humor. Joke around. Play games with her.

2. Listen to her: Give her your attention when she speaks.

3. Talk with her: Talk with her about her feelings and your good memories.Spend time talking together. Postpone telling bad news to her until a suitable time. Look for the most suitable way to convey bad news.

4. Be Cheerful: Be happy, cheerful, friendly and gentle when you meet your wife.

5. Help her: Doing housework is not easy. You have a share of the housework too. Especially if she is sick or tired, don't wait untill she asks you to help.

6. Be Honest: Avoid telling her lies. If you're not truthful with her, she will never trust you. Always tell her the truth.

7. Consult her: Let her feel her opinion is important to you. Change your decision if she has a better opinion.

8. Thank her: Thank her for all the nice things she does, this will give her self-confidence.

9. Bring her a gift: It should not be an expensive gift, but is should be something she likes.

10. Listen to her Halal Demands: Let her improve you as a person. Encourage her to enjoin people to righteousness and discourage people from sinning. Encourage her to meet with her good friends and relatives. Take her out for halal entertainment. Entertain her yourself in halal ways!

11. Be nice to her in bed: Adhere to Islamic etiquitte of marriage and sex. Have a healthy intimate life with her and encourage and praise her during that. Incorporate halal means to improve your love life and her satisfaction.

12. Make Dua: Ask Allah to help you achieve and maintain excellent relations with your wife.

13. Help her in serving Allah. Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray ''Qiyam-al-Layl''. Teach her what you know of the Quran, Hadith, Tafseer and Dhikr.

14. Take her to Hajj and Umrah whenever you afford to do so.

15. Take her to visit her family frequently but especially at some occasions.

16. Be generous. Give her enough money. Never wait until she asks for that.

17. Trust her, love her, understand her.

18. Understand her fair needs and necessities and try his best to fulfill them.

19. Always share with her (some joke, special moments of your Business/Job/any profession, any emergency news, family matters, own habits).

20. Arrange some parties/sittings with your best friends' families in order to strong your family relation, expand her vision, and in this way she also able to support you in your outside matter.

21. Never blame your wife for the bad cooking of the food. If you like the food, eat and thank her. If you don't like the food, say nothing.

21. Don't insult her. If you've hurt her feelings, say ''I'm sorry'' and try to please her.

22. Don't describe other men to her. Don't compare other women with her.

23. Avoiding excess jealousy. Don't prevent her from answering the phone. Give her space so she wont feel suffocated.

24. Avoid shaming her such as insulting her.

25. Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night, she may start to get suspicious.

26. Never blame her without any strong evidence.

27. Never break her trust not even in joke.

Yes, yes I know the list is longer then the tips for sisters, isn't it? Well, never expect him to do all of these in one night, it may takes time but inshallah if a husband and wife always think of giving the best and not expected so much, things will go fine. We are no perfect but we can't stop trying. We will get better when we help each other to become better, inshaallah. Hope these will benefits you and me. Have a good day :)

Marriage: Tips for sisters

Assalamualaykum..

Yes, today is 10th November 2012, 10.11.2012, ok what a cute date isn't it? Today is also a last Saturday for year 1433H (Islamic calendar), today is the starting day of school holidays in Malaysia and today (again?) well, a lot of man and woman is getting married (Oh, including my friends and my cousin!) and you know what is so significant today? Today, my lovely husband has to work, OK. That's the end of the story because I couldn't attend any weddings alone in my condition now. Oh my Lord, please forgive me I know it is compulsory for me to fulfill an invitation of my Muslim fellow, but you know better about my condition and to all my friends, please do not feel upset, yes I know it is your BIG day and what does it mean when I am not there, right? (LOL!)

Ok, to start off, we should know that in our beautiful religion, Islam, marriage is a sacred and blessed contract between a man and a woman. It is not about a physical attraction alone because through marriage we vow to each other to obey Allah with our own role to play in making a marriage successful in dunya and akhirah. Marriage teach us about responsibility and commitment. So here, I got some tips for sisters out there that will get married soon, inshaallah.

1. Be the best wife you can be. Being a good Muslim wife is in many ways similar to being a good wife in other religions. Sure it has its own special features and requirements, just like any other religion. However, there are common basic methods and guidelines for being a good wife in general. Follow them.

2. Pray regularly. Always ask Allah for forgiveness and blessings on your marriage.

3. Understand and respect your husband's rights. Study authentic haadith and make sure that you understand your obligations as a wife as well as understand your rights. In Islam, a good wife is expected to be honest, sincere and cognizant of her husband's needs. At the same time her husband must respect her, fulfill her needs and even help her in household chores.

4. Be secure in yourself. Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be. He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like it. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy. Poor self-esteem and a ''void'' in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life.

5. Express, don't accuse. Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll ''come around''. Communicate calmly, clearly and directly. Relationships work best when each partner calmly express their current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a ''I feel attacked'' or ''I feel sad'' is all it takes for him to step back and ask, ''Why?'' Then simply say, ''When you slammed the door, I felt ignored.'' Let ''I feel'' be your guide.

6. Don't expect the moon. He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.

7. Pick your battles. Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher ''the right way''. Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important.

8. Accept him. Only by accepting him as he is, do you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.

9. Dress pleasantly/attractively.If you are a home-maker,don't stay in your sleeping suit all day.Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female.

10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile, hug and kiss him :)

11. Stay with him during hard time. He will need his wife to listen to him, comfort him and give him the strength. Don't be selfish.

12. It is recommended not to criticize your husband, not in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're in front of people, and not when you're alone together. Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs and criticizing his ability to meet them.

13. Focus more on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights.

Warnings:

Don't ever accept abuse (physical or otherwise). Islam requires a good wife to be loving and obeying to her full extent of ability, but it also obliges a man to respect his wife, and treat her in a civilized and tender manner. Understand that this is an obligation your husband must fulfill. Being a good wife in Islam does not mean you have to suffer in silence if your husband is physically, verbally or in any other way abusive. So you should learn how to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship. Talk things out or see a counselor. If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. A real man gets what he wants without forcing. Fuhh, ok I hope these tips will benefits you and me inshaallah. Wait, how about tips for brother? Well, will be coming soon,, inshaallah . Have a bless weddings and happy marriage! :)

P/S: Oh you may not know, but I change my blog header, and that's what motivate me to post something, Oh myself! :)

Re-post: Never forget those little things

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Why Should I Marry You?

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say 'she's not the one!'

The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing, however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing. On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (As one would expect). The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.

The young girl asked the young man so many questions, she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size. The young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man "do you have any questions?"

The young man said, "it's ok". I only have 3 questions.The young girl thought, "wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot". The young man's first question was, "Who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would ever overcome?" She said, "this is an easy question; my mother", he smiled.

Second question, he asked, "you said that you read a lot of qur'an, could you tell me which surahs you know the meaning of?"

Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon insha'allah I've just been a bit busy. 

The third question the young man asked was, "I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are a lot more prettier than you, why should I marry you?"

Hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence. And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage. This time, the young mans parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. "What did you ask the girl??" Tell us!

The young man said, "firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? she said, her mother."

The parents said "so, what is wrong with that??" The young man said, ''no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, andhis messenger (saw) more than anyone else in the world. If a woman loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty".

The young man said, "then I asked, you read a lot of qur'an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah? And she said no, because I haven't had time yet. So I thought of that hadith 'ALL humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge' She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, whywould I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband".

"The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you? That is why she stormed off, getting angry". The young man's parents said "that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologise". The young man said "I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger. The Prophet (saw) said 'do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry' when asked how to become pious; because anger is from Satan. If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met,do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??".

So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on:
*knowledge, not looks,

*practice, not preaching,

*Forgiveness, not anger,

*spiritual love, not lust.

*and compromise

One should look for a person who:

1) Has love for Allah (swt) and the messenger (saw)

2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.

3) can control their anger

4) and willing to compromise.

And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.

Aisha'h r.a reports "One day I was on a camel which was somewhat difficult to control and the Prophet s.a.w remarked "you must be compassionate, whenever there is compassion in something it adorns it, and when it is removed from something it disgraces it". reported by Imam bukhari(al-adab al-mufrad)

Repost, credit to: Brother Abdula Bustamin Khir

Will You Marry Her? Part 3

Assalamualaykum all,

Ok, marriage..AGAIN! Don't get me wrong, I love this article, a lecture by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami. So I would like to save it in my blog, with that I could share with others as well. Best article for me, I don't know what you'll think about it :), ok without delaying, check it out, have a nice weading (Reading) :):

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, 

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her.  Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel. Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face. Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." 

Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Hala."

  

Ok, finished. Did you find it interesting? Well, it would really happen if the wife is a religious woman, who understand her role in the family and community. I hope I am one of that woman, yes I am a daughter, a wife and mother (To be) inshaallah. For all sisters, please keep your faith, preserve your dignity and strengthen your  integrity. Seek for knowledge whenever you could, be a highly educated woman doesn't mean you must have a certificate from formal education. Prepare yourself with multi knowledge in various way, inshaallah. Its a reminder for me of course. For men, you'll be the Imam, the leader and the protector, for sure you need to prepare yourself as well. Both are having important role and both should try their best as they would be ask in front of Allah about their responsibility. Until then, have a great day ahead! xoxoxo :))

Jazakallah kheir for reading!